2 ratios on Herbert

I'm currently reading Kamau Braithwaite's Black + Blues, which is a beautiful thing. One of the very early poems in the book is called "Totem." I couldn't help hearing Herbert's famous "shape" poem in there, and so I decided to write my own ratio on that poem, too, and post all three. I tend not to want to publish my own poems here for reasons that may be completely specious, but in this case I thought the process might be somewhat interesting. So, first is my poem, then Braithwaite's, then Herbert's. I suppose it makes most sense to read in the reverse of that order, but I figured everyone had read Herbert, fewer had read Braithwaite, and none me, so...front load the swag, I say.

Piety / Pity





 I’m making my amends in sinews

           my sinews

 hot candle wax and blurry curse of

          singularity



 which is to say the sacrifice is pro-

            fane

 in the gap between the here

         and the frame



 before the consolation which flies

              I









Totem





 The altar must be made of skulls

spiked head of the slave by the wayside

   the bones that the dog shark’s

dark bark of teeth left by the sea side



   for bones are vegetable arms

       that clutch dreams

  that grow the fatty pork of flesh

       the gods will eat



        are relics ruins

        fetish of sperm

        totem of screams

     hollow bamboo branches



     of what was once a tree





The Altar



A broken Altar, Lord, thy servant rears,

Made of a heart, and cemented with tears:

 Whose parts are as thy hand did frame;

 No workmans tool hath touch’d the same.

          A Heart alone

          Is such a stone,

          Nothing but

          Thy pow’r doth cut.

          Wherefore each part

          Of my hard heart

          Meets in this frame,

          To praise thy name.

 That if I chance to hold my peace,

 These stones to praise thee may not cease.

O let thy blessed Sacrifice be mine,

And sanctifie this Altar to be thine.